May 2014 UPDATE: Still nursing Bryce a few times a day (mostly at night) and I nursed him in public a few months ago, when we went to see the movie Frozen in the theater. I also nursed in a church during a Catholic wedding back in December. Hooray for breastfeeding!
This portion was written JULY 2013:
Just writing that title makes me want to break down and cry. I remember the last time I tried to nurse Lydia. It was in the middle of the night and we were laying on her bedroom floor together. I had been trying everything to get her to just go to sleep (and stay asleep). She was almost 15 months old. I tried nursing her, and she turned away…forever. That was it. I will admit, knowing I was going to have more children and sorta wanting my body back, I was okay with that. And just a month later, I was pregnant with Bryce.
Bryce will be 2 in September. He’s such a fun, loving little boy. I promised him that I would nurse him as long as I did his sister, but I never thought at almost 2 years old I would still be nursing him…and I am, happily so (most of the time). About 2 or 3 months ago, I found I was nursing him all day long (or at least it felt that way). Then we left for our family vacation, and we were in the car and on the go so much, it seemed as though I was nursing him a lot less. One night, we went to a fancy French restaurant. The kinda place most parents would not bring their two young children. Bryce was being his usual impatiently-waiting-for-his-food, fussy self. As usual, I shamelessly but discreetly began to nurse him. Our waitress saw what I was doing and continued on with what she was doing. As much as few people nurse newborns and infants in restaurants, even fewer nurse 27-pound 21-month olds in restaurants. I suppose if I saw myself in a restaurant 5 years ago, I would’ve said something like “If you can step up to the tap, you should be done” or “Is that woman seriously doing what I think she’s doing in this restaurant? Those kids shouldn’t be in this place much less breastfeeding here!” Well, when Bryce was finished and I got him back in his high chair, the waitress came over and said how wonderful it is that I breastfed so openly/publicly knowing how many Americans respond poorly. She was so enthusiastic about it! She said she is from Canada where public breastfeeding is the norm. In my 3+ years of breastfeeding, that was the most positive feedback I’ve received. Everything we can do to normalize breastfeeding in America is awesome!
After returning from that trip, I’ve tried to wean him during the day (he still nurses a few times each night). It’s tough. I know he’s okay without it, and rarely does he even ask anymore. I know I’ll be okay when he’s done, but damn… it’s a hard thing for me to give up, knowing that he’s my last baby. It means the last time I nurse him, whenever that happens, will be the last time I nurse a child. I’m totally crying as I write this. It’s a beautifully painful truth. And to think some women don’t even try to breastfeed their children…
This is a picture of the first time I breastfed Bryce, shortly after he was born on September 17, 2011. I was so excited to breastfeed again – I could not wait to hold him close to my skin and nourish his body in a way that only a mommy can.
And here’s a picture of us together that night in the restaurant, mid-June 2013. For the record, this wasn’t actually the last time I nursed him in public, but one of the last times. I think I’d like to remember it as the last time, because it felt so wonderful to still be giving him what he needed, at 21-months old, in a restaurant with someone outside of my family who whole-heartedly supported what I was doing. And I may find myself doing it again before he fully weans – who knows? But I can feel the inevitable end in the near future.
I love my baby… and now my big boy…
It’s bittersweet, isn’t it? I don’t even remember the last time I nursed my son in public. And now, I have a 3 month old, so it will be a while before I stop nursing in public, or nursing completely. But I too, find myself tearing up just at the thought of it. It’s such a special bond. I’m hoping that by the time they are ready to stop completely, I will be ready for it. 🙂
Heather R. Montoya
Chief FLOW Officer
Families Living Optimal Wellness
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I’m glad he’s not completely done yet, but I know we’re approaching the end. I look forward to what is to come, but I definitely will miss having my babies <3
Awww…I’m crying too!
I cried before, during, and after writing this… But I guess it was a good cry. I’m blessed to have such amazing children!
I was out at a pub with Christian for a work thing for my husband last month. Christian was fussy (mostly bc he was tired), but I knew nursing would help. I asked my husband if he thought it would be inappropriate with all of his clients around. He said, “Give the boy some milk. They will get over it.” So I discreetly nursed him and he calmed immediately. One of the nurses that was there bounces over to me (She was considerably older than me) and says, “Are you nursing? I am so proud of your family for supporting one of the healthiest lifestyle choices you can make!” She went on to tell me she nursed all 5 of her children, explaining that she nursed the youngest much longer than she should admit to. Her friends all chimed in that it was a “LOOOOOOOONG time!” It felt great to have the support instead of sneers, and cheers instead of condescension. I feel like maybe many people view it more positively than I once thought 🙂
I was at the mall yesterday and I actually saw two women nursing their children. They were both using covers, which usually I am opposed to, but it was nice at least to see women confidently nursing in public (even if they feel more comfortable covering up). Maybe it will be the social norm again one day 🙂
Why are you opposed to covers? I nursed all 4 of mine, my oldest being 30 now and my daughter is 7 1/2.
If the only way a woman will nurse in public is with a cover, then it should be used. My son would not nurse with a cover. He would’ve fought me if I tried it with him. Wearing a cover, in my opinion, still indicates some level of shame and/or embarrassment. I proudly nursed my children in public. I want it to once again be the social norm. I want people to feel comfortable nourishing their children openly in public places.
I was never ashamed about the fact that I nursed. I just didn’t want people to see my boobs…
Beautiful story.
Thank you so much, Mattisa 🙂
I didn’t have the opportunity to breastfeed for very long. Josh had difficulty latching on. I did try formula and breast milk because of failure to thrive and then he went into the NICU and that was that. I was pumping but not enough because after a few weeks nothing. I am glad I had the few weeks of breastfeeding. That bond is like no other in the world. Thanks for sharing.
That’s right, in Canada breast feeding is promoted and well accepted everywhere, I had no idea it’s different in the US… though, I’m yet to see a mother breastfeeding an older child. I breastfed my kids for as long as I could which is 16 and 10 months(at this point my daughter did the same as yours and never looked back no matter how hard I tried). And in the first case by that time we only had night feedings left. I think I’m so self-conscious that I would be embarrassed to feed a child 1 year or older in public.
My daughter will be 2 next month and I still nurse her. I haven’t done it in public in awhile. I am sure that people would be downright hateful to me.
I’ve actually nursed him in public since, when he was really upset or injured, but I know it’s coming to an end soon… so many mixed emotions!
I nursed my last child till she was 3 and wouldn’t do a thing different. It brings such a closeness that you will always have.
I totally agree!
I breastfeed my son until his 18 months old (mix: formula while at work and my milk when we were together) and my daughter who is 27 months still want MY milk. I feed her in public, without cover because she has never liked it, discretly. No one has ever told me that it wasn’t appropriate, and if they do they will have the very high screams of my daughter in their ears! And my position will be told politely but firmly: it’s the natural way of providing for a baby, the cheapest and the healthiest!
Thinking about the day I will stop feeding my children (I hope to have two more in the future), I’m sure I will cry too. It will have been such a huge part of my life as a mother!
Thank you for your testimony and to show us that caring people exist in US (about breastfeeding).
Thanks for the positive feedback – I am hoping that over time, we will learn as a society to embrace mothers who breastfeed their babies (and small children) in public.