Since becoming a mother, I have this crazy paranoia. I’ve heard lots of other mothers talk about it, so I know it’s not just me. Here are just a few examples of what I go through everyday:
Someone is going to back their car up in a parking lot and hit one of my children
Someone will break into my daughter’s bedroom while she is sleeping and kidnap her.
If I leave the house and choose to take the highway over the streets, we’ll get hit by a car.
If I leave the house and choose to take the streets over the highway, we’ll get hit by a car.
My husband will get in a car accident if I kiss him one extra time…or if I forget to kiss him.
If my sister talks to me on the phone while driving and it is raining, she’ll die.
If I go to a playground with both kids (but without my husband) someone will be kidnapped or injured.
If I go out for a ladies’ night, I will somehow die and our children will be motherless.
If I go early to something or leave late for something, messing with the timing will have some sort of horrible impact.
The list is endless. I also fear that the one time I forget to be paranoid, that’s when something bad will happen, so somehow my paranoia protects me. It’s constant and nagging and makes me question myself everyday. But it also reminds me to try to appreciate each day. When my kids start to drive me crazy, I take a deep breath, look at their beautiful faces, and smile…maybe even laugh a little with them.
So then there’s today. My family, Jamie (sister), and some other friends went to this funky craft event downtown. It sounded like it was going to be really cool, and it was alright, but there were too many of us to really enjoy it (Although I bought a scrap of fabric for $3 that I really like. Need to make something awesome with it!) Anyway, so my sister thought it was going to cost money to park there. Instead, she met up a friend at a Burger King downtown and left her car there. The friend parked her car at an FAU parking garage nearby, and they walked to the event together. We left the craft fair shortly after arriving and went out to eat dinner. We hung out for a while, and when we left, Jamie asked if we could drive her back to the BK parking lot. Well, lo and behold, her car had been towed. We had to drive to a rougher part of town to get the car, and it cost her $100. She cynically said something like “This is the karma I get for giving a homeless guy a dollar this morning.” But maybe it is…
You see, after we got her car and drove off, we had to get my husband’s car from our friend’s house, which is somewhat out of the way from where we were. As we got closer to his house, we saw 20+ cop cars and a regular car that was all smashed up. I don’t know exactly what happened, but it didn’t look good. Traffic was all re-routed, parts of the road were blocked, an ambulance, etc. Perhaps Jamie’s $1 ‘gift’ to the homeless guy bought us time since we had to go to the bank and all that to get the $100 to give to the tow company. Perhaps it cost her $101 to save all of us. Because maybe, if we had dropped her at BK and gone home, we would’ve been dangerously caught up in all that was going on. I may not believe in a traditional god or follow a religion…but I never claim to be fully in control or understand the master plan, now I actually consider signing in the AWKNG School of Theology to try to understand it.
I don’t know if something greater than us moves us to do certain things. I must believe that something greater than us created us (even though I do believe evolution plays a role) for anything to make sense.
So who am I to say that my sister didn’t pay $101 for her family to live today? If so, small price, good karma.