When You Marry a Highly Sensitive Person

Last year, I participated in the March Marriage Challenge with my post Why Parents Need to Make Love Often. This year, after an emotionally-trying start to 2016, I offer you When You Marry a Highly Sensitive Person.

Hi, my name is Carrie, and I have a confession to make: I am a highly sensitive person. This is truly a hard thing to admit. I always viewed being emotional as being weak, being unable to have control over myself, being too vulnerable. It meant that I had to take that hard exterior I invested so much in building and allow it to crumble. But what I have learned is that there is strength in allowing yourself to feel things more deeply than perhaps others do, to allow yourself to process information and situations in a way that could potentially cause a very strong response, to be yourself unapologetically.

But what does it mean to be married to someone who is a highly sensitive person? Well, it means that there is a lesson to be learned almost every day. It means that you’re with a person who very sincerely longs to understand her surroundings. It means there is likely no half-assing life. If she’s going to give herself to something, she is going to throw her entire existence into it, very genuinely. It means that sometimes she may be too flustered to communicate clearly because all of the thoughts and feelings become so overwhelming… but she will always strongly desire to communicate with you because she so greatly values the relationship you share. It means she loves with a passion that you may not always know how to handle. She wants to give you her all every second possible, but she also wants to understand you and what you actually need to feel supported.

I may cry… a lot… but it does not necessarily mean that I’m hurting and it doesn’t mean you should back down from showing how you feel. It just means that I’m feeling, and sometimes feeling comes with an intensity that overwhelms one’s physiological responses. I also frustrate easily, because people, situations, and changes require so much effort and can be so thoroughly exhausting, that sometimes the easy way out is to throw my hands up and say ‘F this’, but I always come around and work through it when I’m ready. Sometimes I respond quickly, sometimes it takes me a long time to fully respond, and sometimes I have a very delayed response. Through all of these potential scenarios, I will strive to sort through my emotions and use my intuition to find a logical way to handle life that is beneficial to our family as a unit.

And while I’ve focused primarily on the difficulties, being married to a highly sensitive person means extremely blissful moments that will steal your heart, that will capture your existence, that will make you melt. And I cannot leave out the part about being a passionate lover. When you feel that deeply for a person, you want to experience that person in ever way possible.

I will never be afraid to tell you just how much I love and appreciate you every single day.

So if you’re fortunate enough to be married to a highly sensitive person, know that she loves you endlessly and unconditionally, but even the smallest mis-steps may be incredibly painful and take time to work through. Know that you will never get fake or insincere. You will get a real, raw, genuine response to everything you do. You will be met with loyalty every moment every day. Forever.

After a very emotional response to a situation this morning, Richard sent me a text message:

By the way, I love that you care about people. Don’t get frustrated at yourself for caring. You’re a rare, wonderful person.  

Those words are my everything. Thank you, my love.

Make sure to stop by the 2016 March Marriage Challenge page throughout this month to follow along with the series! Thank you, Melissa, for organizing this month’s series.