I have a blog covered in beautiful photographs and incredible stories. I have worked so hard to create this brand of pretty things for everyone to look at and admire. It’s an amazing income to support my family. It’s a pastime, a hobby, a passion. It’s a source of great creative inspiration. I am not Huppie Mama. Huppie Mama is a brand. I am Carrie Wells.
If you’re not a blogger, it’s probably hard to understand this. I go out in public now and people actually say to me “Hi, Huppie Mama! I follow you on Instagram.” or “Are you Huppie Mama? I subscribe to your blog. I love your recipes and crafts.” I am not Huppie Mama. Huppie Mama is a brand. I am Carrie Wells.
So when your identity is tied to a brand, it’s often fairly easy to forget where your brand ends and your person begins. I am not a twitter handle. I am not a Facebook page. I am not a logo or icon. I am not always happily baking something scrumptious in my kitchen or crafting away with my kids. Sometimes I’m hurt and crying and feeling broken. Sometimes I am lonely and confused. Sometimes my anxiety overcomes any ability to be a rational, sane human being. Sometimes I just want to hide, blissfully and eternally. I am not Huppie Mama. Huppie Mama is a brand. I am Carrie Wells.
Huppie Mama started out as a cognitive purge. It was to clear my head of those random demons that caused my everyday insanity to consume me. It was a place to vomit on the internet with the hope that it splattered on someone and caused them to respond. It was a way to spiral out of control, but within boundaries, to share my questions and thought processes and growth. It was never meant to be a brand, and for quite some time, that is all it has been. And I love the brand it has become. I am exceptionally proud of the growth I’ve made and the work I’ve done. I am not Huppie Mama. Huppie Mama is a brand. I am Carrie Wells.
This is an incredibly challenging post for me to write. Not because I am afraid to bear my soul. I do it every day of my life in person and in front of a highly-engaged audience on Facebook. But to place this level of vulnerability on my blog, tarnishing the beautiful photographs and incredible stories with something that is so raw and pure, is almost unbearably uncomfortable. I am not Huppie Mama. Huppie Mama is a brand. I am Carrie Wells.
This is my first post of 2016. Has anyone noticed that I have written absolutely nothing so far this year? I tried a few times, but nothing felt quite right. I could not connect with any of the content I considered. Although this is just a white screen with straight lines and squiggly lines and dots, it needs to feel genuine and authentic. Huppie Mama may be cupcakes and glue sticks because it’s a brand. And an awesome one at that. I am not Huppie Mama. Huppie Mama is a brand. I am Carrie Wells.
So if you want to know more about Carrie Wells, she believes she feels things so much more deeply than others. She can feel utter elation and blackening sorrow simultaneously. She does not fear discomfort if it leads to new understanding and personal growth. But she can be insanely supportive of others while neglecting herself entirely. Her anxiety has taken her down a lot recently. For her to write that so permanently is beautifully painful. To think and re-think and spiral endlessly wears on her tremendously. Her excitability and passion and curiosity and inappropriateness are rarely presented in their entirety because they are all so extreme. She often fears nobody is ready to see all those things. But maybe she’ll allow this little bit, this one time, to see how it feels to be so free. To hand control over to her readers and followers with the hope that they can connect with her.
I am not Huppie Mama.
Huppie Mama is a brand.
I am Carrie Wells.