This past Monday, at a restaurant…
Waitress at restaurant to Lydia: Have you been a good girl this year? Is Santa going to bring you gifts?
Lydia: (nods with a confused expression; speaks when the woman walks away) But Mommy, Santa isn’t real.
I was raised by a Jewish mother and non-practicing Catholic father. We never followed any set traditions. During the holidays, we would get a Christmas tree, but not a menorah. Gifts were given on some random day near Christmas time. Sometimes Christmas Eve morning, sometimes that night, sometimes the day of Christmas. Basically, whenever my mom gave in to my nagging. There was never any talk of God or Jesus or why candles are lit for Chanukah. It was a jacked-up tree (whatever was the least expensive), beat-up ornaments, gifts, and time together as a family.
My husband was born and raised Catholic, but would probably consider himself Agnostic. I am Agnostic and Jewish (culturally). I value truth in what I see, feel, and experience. I don’t teach my children (Lydia, 4, and Bryce, 2) Christian doctrines any day out of the year, and if I don’t feel comfortable telling my children that a virgin mother was impregnated by a man in the sky and gave birth to our savior on December 25th, I’m certainly not going to share with them the amazing coincidence that an old man who lives in an uninhabitable climate with his wife and a whole swarm of small children with pointy ears creating toys will hop on a sleigh with wingless flying reindeer to deliver toys through our non-existent chimney (and everyone else’s around the world) on the same exact day.
Santa Claus is a lie that millions of children believe every holiday season. We disguise it as a fun, harmless tradition, but at some point, we have to tell our children “Hey, guys, we’ve been lying to you your entire life thus far. There is no Santa Claus!” This is not a discussion I ever plan to have with my children.
This got me thinking about all the things we teach children to believe that just are not true, like the Easter bunny and tooth fairy. These are often Pagan traditions that somehow attached themselves to Christianity. Tradition, family time, and history can be taught to children in a fun way without the lies. My children think it’s fun to see people dressed up as Santa and take pictures. It’s fun to talk about flying reindeer and elves making toys. It’s fun to buy and decorate a real tree, make Christmas art projects, bake holiday cookies and treats together as a family. But it’s also fun to recognize that these are all a part of our imagination and creativity.
All of our gifts come from real people who love each other. People who saved the money and took the time to pick out really special presents for each other. My children know where to direct their appreciation. They will be taught to show gratitude toward others for their generosity and thoughtfulness. And… it doesn’t matter if they have been “good” or “naughty” because we give all our loved ones gifts (unlike that old Santa tradition).
Photos with Santa… who, in our family, is just a fun guy in a costume!
I’m torn. I have a 2 year old and so far I haven’t mentioned santa even though she see’s it in every cartoon and commercial she watches. I remember 2 huge things when I was little. The insane excitement and staying up as late as I could to see if I could hear reindeer on the roof and I also remember the moment in the girls bathroom at school when I overheard and realized that Santa wasn’t real. Obviously traumatic since I still remember it! The excitement of believing in Santa was also quite magical when I was little…
I think all of these things are fun and can be discussed with children to get them excited – without being dishonest. I know we do tell children these things in a way that is innocent and with love, but if we treat Santa like we would Mickey Mouse or any other character, children can still get excited and have fun. And honestly, what kid doesn’t love getting gifts, regardless of who gives them??
Hello…I am a person who believes that EVERYONE has a right to their own beliefs, opinions, and traditions, regardless of how much I, or anyone else, disagrees with it…as long as it doesn’t hurt or affect others. Your perspective is interesting to me, and quite honest, too, which I appreciate. That being said, my parents were NOT religious at all, but we did celebrate all of the major Christian holidays, in the most traditional ways (Santa, Easter Bunny…even the tooth fairy) When I found out that there was no Santa, I was disappointed, but did NOT blame my parents for lying to me about it. I still enjoyed watching my younger siblings be mesmerized by the magic and belief of the season. (the same with all of the other mythical creatures that parents lie about) I think, for some people, the magic of Santa, the elves, the reindeer…it’s all part of the good feeling we get around this time of year. I know it still is for me. I’m 37, and my mother STILL signs our gifts from “Santa” or “Rudolph”, and it still makes me feel great and loved and helps me feel the spirit of the season. I get that it’s lies, but I don’t think it really has a negative impact on children. At least not any of the children I know or knew. The lies created the magic that we needed to make the holidays special and amazing. Thank you for the post. It really made me think. I don’t have kids to lie to, but if I did, I would lie until I couldn’t get away with it anymore. LOL
That’s funny that your mom still gives you “Santa” gifts. I can definitely understand that being part of the ‘spirit’ of Christmas time. I live in South Florida, where you can wear a tank top and flip-flops on Christmas Day. I wonder if I’d feel differently if I lived somewhere snowy where I actually had a chimney for Santa to squeeze down…
Completely agree with you. It’s like you’ve read my mind.
Thank you for writing this.
Thanks so much for the feedback, Tanya! I felt a bit evil writing this LOL, so I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way 😉
You are very welcome, Carrie. It’s not evil, it’s being honest with your kids and building very trusting relationship with them.
Thank you again.
I completely agree with you about enjoying the imagination and creativity, without thinking it’s real. I’m Christian, but to me I don’t think Christ was born exactly on the 25th, and I don’t wait for Santa to give us gifts. We also enjoy a tree with battered ornaments and gifts from real people. So agree with you. I don’t understand all the Christmas hype. Fun times with family, making memories, not shopping mall Santas and huge gifts, that’s my take.
Your response makes me think of The Grinch – people thinking that Christmas is about shopping and decorating their homes and all of the excess… so much so that we forget about the family time. I really should have tied that in more with my post. Why all the hype? I get my kids one big gift each year and a few small gifts. They don’t need a hundred presents, nor do they need to be dragged around the malls to pick out a ton of presents for others. Just doesn’t seem to be what the Christmas spirit should be all about. Thank you for your feedback!
Oh, and obviously I’m not Christian, but I think if I were, I’d be somewhat offended by the focus on Santa instead of Jesus.
See here’s where I stand with that whole mess….
My fondest memories as a child were looking out the window Christmas eve while drinking hot chocolate, singing Christmas carols at the top of our lungs while my parent’s drove around and we were looking at/for Christmas lights. During that whole ride as I was looking at the window I would “see” Santa Claus (what I now know to be a plane or something else, but still) it added to the magic of Christmas.
Now I agree with you 100% on the religion aspect. I was raised in a home where we never went to church unless it was Christmas Eve or Easter – which was plain DUMB and hypocritical. We celebrated Christmas around a family feel with the added magic touch of Santa Claus.
I too am Agnostic, the wife is confused, and the kids are semi-aware of Christian traditions/beliefs because of little things that happen through the year Ie. papa is an avid crutch goer, “Thank you for this meal, Amen”, and I also have to explain that manager at the every single decked out house with Christmas lights.
That’s how we do it here. 🙂
So here’s my view as a practicing Christian: I agree with you! In my opinion Santa and Jesus have nothing to do with each other. My girls know about Santa, but we teach he is pretend and this holiday is about celebrating the birth of Jesus. We participate in holiday things like making cookies, stuffing the stocking and decorating a tree, and our gifts come from real people as well. We don’t believe in the easter bunny or the tooth fairy either. The bunny takes away from the true meaning of Easter, and the tooth fairy, we’ll figure it out when we get there (my girls are only 3, so I have time lol). I think the tradition of Santa and the Easter bunny came about through people who don’t have a relationship with Jesus,but still want to participate in the festivities. I grew up in a semi-practicing Catholic home that participated in all these things and have many fond memories, but as a Christian Santa and the Easter bunny just dont add up! We do get together with family and friends for an Easter egg hunt for fun. You’re not alone, Carrie, my girls won’t be getting presents from Santa either, or baskets from the Easter bunny!
Thank you for this! As a “used to be Catholic growing up now Pagan+Jewish family (culturally Jewish that is), we celebrate all cultures and religions. And I am so sick of the commercializaton of Christmas ……even though it doesn’t offend me religiously, I think it takes away from the true “spirit” of what Christmas should be. So you are not alone. Thanks for writing this!
You are so welcome!! Hope you had a wonderful holiday season, celebrating as you wish.